Emotional

I read several blogs and one thing that I admire most is when the authors are completely raw, give the honest truth, and tell you their life isn't perfect. Every day is not rainbow and butterflies. Honey, my rainbows and butterflies have been sparse lately. I feel like the days have been long, draining, and emotional.

I don't know what has happened but 25 has been on emotional roller coaster. 25 brought a Master's graduation, a proposal, wedding planning, and so much more. Big decisions have been made which have worn me out emotionally. I have realized that I am not emotionally strong but I also know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am quick to cry at times but sometimes those tears are happy tears. The tears are brought on by transitions, change, and newness which are coming and coming soon! 25 has been both exciting and scary.

When I think about our wedding, I usually need a Kleenex. I tear up thinking about us standing at the alter devoting our life to one another. It is not just us marrying one another. It is the thought that we will be in the same state, time zone, community, and roof that makes me cry. We know no different than to be apart. Right now, we dream about what a regular Monday night might be like as a married couple. We very well could be a complete mess at the alter.

Then, I tear up thinking about our rehearsal dinner and being surrounded by our closet friends and family. How do you begin to thank the people that have shaped your life? Then there is the Teak. I will have to leave her after 8 years in Lexington. I just can't go there mentally yet.

If I don't have wedding on the brain, its law school. I can't think about law school graduation. The moment that I see Jace put on his robe with 3 bars on the sleeves and the hat, will be wonderfully emotional. It has been an uphill battle we have fought together for 7 years. The end is in sight and it has been one hell of a ride.

Emotions don't stop there! This Fall, I started devoting more time for self reflection and examine who I am, who I want to be, and what makes me truly happy. My Momma would call this a Come to Jesus moment. Y'all I not only invited Jesus but Mary, Joesph, and the Wise Men! This has been so rewarding and I am thankful to have this time to reflect. However, during this time I have experienced growing pains as I learn what it is like to be a full-time-working-adult, soon-to-be-wife. I don't remember any college courses forewarning me about how hard life can be some days and the decisions you have to make.

Right now, what is making me the most emotional is being apart from Jace. I am tired of Jace being exhausted. He needs a break. He needs rest. He needs alone time. We as a couple need time together too. I know I just went to the 'Sip but it wasn't enough. 4 days of a mini-vacation doesn't cut it anymore. I need every day with that man. Our souls needs it. We need each other and right now we have to make it to Thanksgiving. Lord, please let the next 3 weeks pass quickly.

Thanks for letting me get all that out. This blog is the best form of therapy for me besides the gym and phone dates with Whitney and Lauren.