Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Emotional

I read several blogs and one thing that I admire most is when the authors are completely raw, give the honest truth, and tell you their life isn't perfect. Every day is not rainbow and butterflies. Honey, my rainbows and butterflies have been sparse lately. I feel like the days have been long, draining, and emotional.

I don't know what has happened but 25 has been on emotional roller coaster. 25 brought a Master's graduation, a proposal, wedding planning, and so much more. Big decisions have been made which have worn me out emotionally. I have realized that I am not emotionally strong but I also know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am quick to cry at times but sometimes those tears are happy tears. The tears are brought on by transitions, change, and newness which are coming and coming soon! 25 has been both exciting and scary.

When I think about our wedding, I usually need a Kleenex. I tear up thinking about us standing at the alter devoting our life to one another. It is not just us marrying one another. It is the thought that we will be in the same state, time zone, community, and roof that makes me cry. We know no different than to be apart. Right now, we dream about what a regular Monday night might be like as a married couple. We very well could be a complete mess at the alter.

Then, I tear up thinking about our rehearsal dinner and being surrounded by our closet friends and family. How do you begin to thank the people that have shaped your life? Then there is the Teak. I will have to leave her after 8 years in Lexington. I just can't go there mentally yet.

If I don't have wedding on the brain, its law school. I can't think about law school graduation. The moment that I see Jace put on his robe with 3 bars on the sleeves and the hat, will be wonderfully emotional. It has been an uphill battle we have fought together for 7 years. The end is in sight and it has been one hell of a ride.

Emotions don't stop there! This Fall, I started devoting more time for self reflection and examine who I am, who I want to be, and what makes me truly happy. My Momma would call this a Come to Jesus moment. Y'all I not only invited Jesus but Mary, Joesph, and the Wise Men! This has been so rewarding and I am thankful to have this time to reflect. However, during this time I have experienced growing pains as I learn what it is like to be a full-time-working-adult, soon-to-be-wife. I don't remember any college courses forewarning me about how hard life can be some days and the decisions you have to make.

Right now, what is making me the most emotional is being apart from Jace. I am tired of Jace being exhausted. He needs a break. He needs rest. He needs alone time. We as a couple need time together too. I know I just went to the 'Sip but it wasn't enough. 4 days of a mini-vacation doesn't cut it anymore. I need every day with that man. Our souls needs it. We need each other and right now we have to make it to Thanksgiving. Lord, please let the next 3 weeks pass quickly.

Thanks for letting me get all that out. This blog is the best form of therapy for me besides the gym and phone dates with Whitney and Lauren.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Perky Pinks...

Y'all know I don't miss an episode of Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta. How can you not love Monte, Flo, and Lori? Even Jace loves Monte! Last night was a special, Say Yes to a Cure: Lori's fight. Did any of you watch? I sure did and cried and laughed throughout the entire hour.

Breast cancer affects so many people each year; I am sure you know someone who has been affected by cancer. Last night after watching Lori's story I was inspired and since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I thought I would share my story about my scare with potential breast cancer in 2010. Here is my story...

In Spring 2010, Teak and I were watching the CATS play during basketball season. I was on the couch and while covered under a blanket I did a self examination of my breasts. I felt a lump about the size of pea. I was on my cycle and thought, "oh that is there because of my cycle". I told Jace about it that night but tried not to think about it again. Next month, I checked again and it was still there. I lived with this little secret until late summer. I didn't want to scare anyone with my news but I just can't keep secrets. I finally told my Mom...the day before Jace and I were heading out of town on vacation. You best believe Sandy Keith was worried and I was given strick instructions to get it checked out as soon as we returned from Hilton Head. Shortly later, I had my annual checkup with my gynecologist and they always do an examination of your breasts. I mentioned it to her and that is where the ball starting rollin...

In July 2010, I started my job and moved back up to Lexington after two months of summer vacation in Mayfield. God knew what he was doing by giving me a job in Lexington because UK has one of the best breast cancer treatment centers, the Markey Cancer Center. My gynecologist had sent my paperwork to the Markey Center and I had an ultrasound. While waiting for the ultrasound, I was scared and nervous. I promised myself then and there that I would never ignore or wait as long as I did about an issue with my health.

My ultrasound tech was AMAZING. Stephanie kept me calm and talked me through what she was doing. Of course, I wanted her to look at me and tell me that I would be fine and it was nothing. That wasn't the case. After the results of the ultrasound, I was told they wanted to do a biopsy. This had me frightened that it was something serious and it doesn't help that I hate needles. I went in for my biopsy and my girl Stephanie was back with me. Stephanie and another nurse, Lori, were my girls. They did my prep work and kept me so calm. My doctor, Dr. Gibbs, was outstanding. Now I talk all the time but when I am in any doctor's office, I talk extensively! I mainly talk about reality TV and sing rap songs...sounds crazy I know, but I don't have to think about these topics and it keeps everything light hearted.

Thankfully Lori and I watch the Real Housewives and if I am lying I am dying, we talked about the Housewives while Dr. Gibbs did the biopsy. Lori held my hand the entire time and Stephanie assisted Dr. Gibbs. I was numb and Dr. Gibbs only had to make a small incision.

It took some time for the results of the biopsy to come back. Dr. Heather Wright and the rest of the team at the Markey Center sat around and talked about my biopsy and determined it would be best if I had the small lump removed. The biopsy revealed that I had atypical hyperplasia of the breast. Basically what that is, it is a precancerous condition that affects the cells of the breast. It is an accumulation of abnormal cells in a breast duct or lobule. It isn't cancer but it can develop into breast cancer. There aren't any signs or symptoms and it is not clear what causes this.

Here I was 22, in Graduate School, new on the job, with perky pink breasts and I was worried about cells turning into breast cancer. To say I was scared was an understatement. I distinctly remember one day, I just lost it. I was at work, trying to prepare for a Master's Committee meeting, and I just couldn't hold the tears back. Jennifer came in and just let me cry. Jennifer's solution to any problem is a Coke. Turns out that Coke was exactly what I needed and I calmed down and entered that meeting like nothing was wrong.

Mom was there with me when Dr. Wright told me that the lump needed to be removed and she and Teak were with me when it was removed. My surgery was early in the morning and honey once that IV went in, it was smooth sailing. I had to repeat my name, birthday, and which breast was being operated on about 15,000 times. Probably the hardest part was when it was go time. They had to wheel me away from Mom and Teak and I knew I had to keep it together for Mom. If I lost it, she would too. We were all scared but didn't want to say a thing. The mood was lightened when we saw how good looking my anaesthesiologist was! Honey, by this time I felt like everyone in Lexington, KY had seen my boobs and quite frankly I was fine with that. I knew these people were helping me.

The wheeled me back I remember there was good music on in the operating room, they started the anaesthesia, and had me count back from 10. I don't remember which number I got to and then it was over. Fluff, another fun nurse, wheeled me to a recovery room. I had a moment just to myself and they brought me a Sprite. It was over. The tears came but it was mainly due to the anaesthesia. Mom and Teak were quick to come to my recovery room and then I got to go home. I don't remember any pain and honestly felt fine. I took it easy that weekend and was back to work the next week on Tuesday.

I have a very small incision on my left breast but it is covered when I have my bra or bathing suit on. I can feel where the lump was removed but I don't miss it. I share my story because it is so important for women to have regular mammograms and do your self checks. There are several ways to do a self-check:

1. In the shower

  • Place on hand behind your head.
  • Use the finger pads of your 3 middle fingers to move your hand over entire breast area.
  • Use right hand for left breast, left hand for right.
  • You can use a circle, up and down, or wedge pattern when feeling for lumps, knots, or thickenings.

2. Before a Mirror

  • With your hands firmly pressing down on your hips, check for changes in the shape, size, or skin texture of your breasts. Then raise you arms overhead and check again. Check nipples for any unusual discharge.

3. Lying Down

  • To examine your right breast, place a pillow under your right shoulder and your right hand behind your head.
  • With the finger pads of your left hand, examine your right breast using either the up and down line, the circle, or the wedge pattern. Check for lumps, knots, or thickenings.
  • After examining your entire breast, lower your right arm slowly and use your left hand to feel your right underarm. Then switch the pillow to your left shoulder, put your left arm behind your head and repeat steps with right hand on left breast and underarm.
I try to do these whenever I think about it. Ideally you should do this monthly. I am fine now and haven't had any lumps since. I am thankful for the wonderful doctors and nurses at the Markey Center. The girls that took care of me have a special place in my heart. It wasn't long after my surgery that many of us became friends on Facebook. We even had lunch together one day on campus.

I tell you all of this to stress the importance of doing self examinations. If you are young, keep those perky pinks in check! If you are a mature woman, don't ignore your mammogram appointments.

Now go do your self examination!

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Blessed

Saturday night in Jackson was the best time I have had in a while. But it was the little moments with Jace that really made my trip.

I landed in Jackson last Wednesday around dinner time and was starving from a day of traveling, so we started making dinner right away. We had a gourmet dinner of spaghetti and meatballs and garlic cheese bread. It tasted so good to the both of us. The food was great but the company was even better. I can't tell you what it meant to Jace and I to sit next to one another, share a meal together, and talk. The feeling of "finally", finally we are together. We dream of sharing meals together when we are apart and last Wednesday's dinner was such a refreshing feeling.

Then on Friday we went on a date, the first one in six weeks. I think I will always get excited about going on a date with Jace! Our dinner conversation revolved around Jace's work. I clearly am not an attorney and have no desire to be but I do care about Jace's day and want to know a little about what he does. He has to water down what he does so I can understand and even then I get confused. After about 30 minutes of listening to the demands of his day, it just broke my heart. I hear him after work and school but I never see him after the end of a long day. He was completely worn out mentally and physically. It took everything I had to keep the tears back but I let them fall when we got home. Y'all it was the nasty, NASTY cry. You know the mascara-on-his-shirt-kind-of-cry. I cried because he is so exhausted and there is nothing that I can do to make it better and also because I am a girl and sometimes we just have to have a good long cry. The cry is for a variety of reasons and I had been holding that cry is for quite some time, it just so happened to come out last Friday. Sweet Jace, just held me and let me get every bit of my makeup on his white shirt.

You see, this is a big deal. When I have a breakdown or just a crappy day, we deal with it over Skype or the phone but rarely in person. I dry my own tears and pick myself back up after I end the phone call or shut the computer down. Not this time. As upset as I was, I was also thankful because I could cry on his shoulder and be held. I stayed on that shoulder for quite a while and he let me get it all out. It was a sweet moment even if I did dirty up that shirt.

Other sweet moments Jace and I shared where times when we would tell each other something and it would be followed by " I have been meaning to tell you that a for two weeks now!" We talk every second we can each day but we rarely get long enough moments where we can really talk and catch up. But there were other moments when we were silent and just held hands. Sometimes the silent moments are the sweetest moments.

These are just a few reasons why I love Jace. He loves me at my best and worst, in big moments and little moments, in silent moments and everything in between. I am one blessed girl.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Weekend Recap

Hi Y'all! I have had posts swarming around in my head since Sunday but just haven't had a chance to sit down and write. I will probably have two posts about MS as a result.

Last Saturday, Jace and I went off the grid and got out of the city and drove 100 miles to Natchez, MS. Dana and Rickey had visited there and they loved it. The drive out there was so nice. Our drive was on the Natchez Trace which runs from Nashville to Natchez. When we go on trips it isn't all about the destination, it is more about the uninterrupted time we can spend catching up. Same was true for this drive.

Saturday was a big day in Natchez because it was the annual hot air balloon race. When we arrived, you could smell the fair food and a few balloons were filling up. 


We were right next to the MS river and started to make our way to some old historic homes. We toured the nearby city blocks and went into a few shops. In one of the shops we stopped in, they had smocked dresses. Now we all know little Southern girls need smocked dresses. I just about DIED when I saw the price tags on those dresses. They were darlin' but outrageous. I need to start saving now!

After some window shopping and wishful thinking, we made our way to the historic homes. We toured a lot of homes, here are a few:


This is our new residence. I will send y'all the address soon!

After taking in the sites, we decided to head back to Jackson and forego the balloon race. We wanted to get back and spend some time with our friends. Bo and Lane texted us earlier on Saturday and invited us over to watch the MS State football game with Will, Haley, Emily, and Chris along with a few others.

The girls are so sweet because they make an effort every time I am in town for us to get together. We got there around 6 PM and it was the most perfect night. It was the type of party where the wives go to one end and the husbands go to the other end of the room and everyone is happy. The boys were busy watching State, UK, and whoever else was playing on ESPN. Whereas, us ladies huddled up together next to the guacamole and quickly got caught up with each other.

I know I have bragged about these girls before but I just love them--I can't help it! They validate all the emotions I feel about law school, our future, career choices, and life in general. We are all in the same boat and it was wonderful to cut lose with the girls for one night.

Me, Lane, Haley, and Emily
Honey, we had some laughs like we always do. But I think it was Will Morgan who laughed the most! He would stomp his feet when he got tickled and that would only make me laugh harder. The entire group is just a ball of fun and I only wish we could be together more.

Here are a few pictures from Saturday night:

Love him!
 




The real entertainment Saturday night wasn't belly laughs with friends or watching good football games. It was two beautiful Basset Hounds, Charlotte and Murray. Two babies that got a ton of lovin' from all of us!




It did my soul good to get away for a whole day with Jace and to top the night off with friends was icing on the cake. MS has been a huge part of our lives for 3 years now and it is always a joy to go down to the 'sip!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Engagement shoot

Yesterday was our engagement shoot! I was excited, somewhat nervous, and anxious to see how it would go.

When we got to Robby's studio, he made us feel very comfortable and asked what we wanted out of our pictures. We knew we wanted to capture Mississippi. Even though law school is demanding, hard, and intense, Jace and I both love Mississippi and want to remember this time in our lives. We wanted our pictures to bring out the best of the South. Robby picked up on this right away and we went downtown Jackson to City Hall. Honey, think the South--magnolia trees and big white columns. This was the location for our more formal pictures. It was four in the afternoon and sun was perfect.

Our next location was shot on a wooded hill on Mississippi College's campus. We had on more casual clothes and the sun was setting. I felt most comfortable in these shots mainly because I was out of my heels! Jace wore his UK needlepoint belt and I educated Robby about this Kentucky tradition. I told him if a girl gives a boy a needlepoint belt it is equivalent to a promise ring. Now, Jace has two belts and I have one diamond! HA!

I am not going to lie, it took some time for me to warm up to the camera because it has been so long since I had professional pictures taken. Jace and I did plenty of laughing during the session and we talked quite a bit when Robby was in the distance shooting.

Now comes the hard part...waiting! Robby will have the pictures ready in about 4 weeks! Between now and then he will reduce the 1200 (yes 1200) shots he took down to about 75-150. He will pick his top 5 and we will receive those. Then we can order as many as we would like.  Can't wait!

Here is a link to Robby's blog if you want to check out his awesome work http://blog.followellfotography.com/

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tomorrow!

The last time I saw Mr. Stamper was Labor Day weekend. That changes tomorrow. I don't know of a time when Jace and I have been more eager to see one another. These past six weeks have been LONG, emotionally draining, and we are both worn out. We are so ready to spend some time together and remember what it is like to be a couple. The closer we get to our wedding date, the harder it is to be apart. But in the words of Lauren Hinton, sometimes you just have to "battle through".

During my visit, we have our engagement picture shoot! Honey, hair has been trimmed, makeup has been bought, spray tan has been applied, eyebrows waxed, nails did, and my ring has been cleaned. I am worn out from just getting ready for everything. Pictures are on Thursday, late afternoon and our photographer promises the light is beautiful during this time of day. The last time Jace and I had professional pictures done were our senior pictures..um a long, long time ago! I think we are both a little nervous but eager to see how they turn out. I have full faith in our photographer and know he will capture 'us' in the photos.

Then on Saturday, we are traveling to Natchez, MS. There is a hot air balloon festival and Jace says that Natchez is beautiful. We hope to explore a little more of this area and soak up a beautiful Fall day!

I hope y'all have a good rest of the week. I am going on my own mini-Fall break and stealing Jace away from work, a Bioethics paper, and appellate advocacy competitions. It's time to get back to being us and putting everything else on hold.

Gotta go. This girl has to pack!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Keeneland with the Cash's

Today I got to spend the day at one of Kentucky's iconic places: Keeneland. It just doesn't get any better than Keeneland's Fall meet and to top it off I got to spend the day with Jay and Lisa!

This was the first time I got to spend some time with Lisa and she is just the sweetest. Jay got himself a stunner! The girl is goregous and so down to Earth.

Sweet Lisa and I
We all had lunch and then it was time to get down to business. We bet on 8 out of 9 races and Lisa and I did pretty well. Jay on the other hand, not so much. We all looked at the odds, colors, names, but mostly bet on haunches. Obviously my haunches were pretty good. I won on almost every bet I placed. I would get back enough money to place the next bet. In my eyes, that is a pretty good day!

In between races we discussed weddings! Where we ate today is where Jay and Lisa's reception is. It will be one rockin' reception come May 2013! We both just can't wait for each other's weddings. We are all so excited for one another! Lisa and I commented on how much fun it is to watch our boys get excited about it all.

Wonderful day, wonderful friends!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Fall in KY

This past week I have been busy traveling but in my travels I have had a chance to soak up a little of Kentucky's beautiful landscape. I know everyone says Fall is their favorite season but this time of year really is magical in Kentucky. The trees are really starting to turn, pumpkins are everywhere, mums are blooming, the skies are a clear blue, and there is a slight chill in the air.

To experience these things on the ground is one thing but when I flew back into Lexington on Wednesday, I got to see all of God's beauty from an aerial view. We flew right over the iconic horse farms and while the sun was setting, I could see the perfectly manicured horse pastures with horses grazing inside the rows and rows of white painted fences. Kentucky really is God's country and He has blessed this Commonwealth.

Today, I had another chance to soak up God's beauty of this wonderful season. I travelled to Breathitt Co. and helped audit the county's programs. Breathitt Co. is in Eastern Kentucky and to see the red, yellow, orange, and green leaves in the mountainside was breathtaking. I may be a Western Kentucky girl but I do love the mountains, especially this time of year.

I am doing my best to soak up this season, everything from the chilly air, changing colors, and blue skies. This time next year we may be in Florida with 80 degree weather in October. That may sound nice some days but we realize that Florida only has one real season, summer. There will be no changing colors, beautiful mountains, or horse farms as pristine as the ones in Kentucky. Yet, no matter where we live, Jace and I will always consider Kentucky our ol' Kentucky Home!

Monday, October 8, 2012

AL

I am writing this post in a hotel room overlooking the bay of Mobile. The water is blue, the sun is out, and it sure doesn't feel like Fall. I am attending the Epsilon Sigma Phi conference which is a leadership/professional development conference for Extension agents. This my first time to attend and also my first time spent in Mobile.

We flew down yesterday and I love the feeling of the plane taking off. With engines roaring, gravity holding you back in your seat, and the momentum gaining, I know I am getting the chance to explore some place new and hopefully exciting. For me, it is something about taking off and being in the clouds that allows my brain to go into vacation mode and I stop thinking about the worries/stresses that are in KY. No matter if it is business or pleasure, it helps to get away from it all.

One thing about being in Mobile is that Jace and I are on the same time zone. It feels so weird not to be converting and we still haven't adjusted to it. By the time we do adjust, I will fly back. The scary part is Jace and I are only about 3 to 3 1/2 hours apart right now. I say scary because it wouldn't take much for me to rent a car and go see him right now. Or maybe he should come pick me up in Mobile and we head to Gulf Shores together? Wishful thinking, I know.

We come home on Wednesday and then I turn around a week from Wednesday and take a real vacation. My own official Fall break. Only this time I am flying to the 'sip. I don't know who needs to see the other more, Jace or I? Jace has needed a break since shortly after school started and we are going to spend some much needed couple time together.

Hope you're having a good week! Safe travels to you and yours!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Wedding Update

Hey Y'all! Wanting to know the latest wedding update? Are you losing sleep wondering what is the latest thing off the wedding to-do list? No worries, here is a full recap from this past week.

Last Friday, Mom, Dana, and I met with Sara, our florist. Sara is a dear family friend and girlfriend can make an arrangement! Our meeting with Sara was probably one the most intense wedding meetings because it was non stop decision making for 2 hours. I came prepared with a packet of pictures from Pinterest but there was still so much that I hadn't thought about. We discussed rehearsal dinner arrangements, my bouquet, boutonnieres, matron of honor bouquets, mothers and grandmothers' nosegays, ceremony arrangement, reception arrangement, bistro table arrangements, wedding cake flowers, etc. A majority of the flowers will be hydrangeas and a few peonies and I can't wait to see it all come together on Aug. 3. What I can wait for is the bill! Lord have Mercy on that day!

Immediately following the florist meeting, Mom and I met with the sweet ladies that are throwing Jace and I a shower. We picked a date and I got their input on a few things. So blessed to have people helping us celebrate our big day.

This weekend, Mom and I started making a list of things we need from Hobby Lobby/Michaels. Thank you Lord for coupons! I will be buying what seems to be 1000 yards of ivory satin ribbon and at least 100 gold chargers! After the wedding, guess what I will be giving as Christmas gifts? Gold chargers!

Then today, Dana, booked our honeymoon! We are going to San Fransisco for 3 nights and Monterrey for 3 nights. I asked Dana if we could go right now? This news was exactly what Jace and I needed to hear today and lifted our spirits! 10 months from tomorrow people!

I hope you are enjoying your Tuesday!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Oct. 1

Do you know what today is? It is Oct. 1st. It may have been just another Monday to you but today was the day that Jace and I have waited for since Summer 2011. Today was the first day that LLM applications could be submitted. I am happy to report that Jace hit "send" and his information is currently in the UF database!

The first time I heard about an LLM was on Highway 45 in Western KY, riding in Jace's car on our way to a date in Paducah. Needless to say, I had a TON of questions, was hesitant, excited, nervous, and curious. Since that summer day, we have prayed about this decision, toured schools, tried to figure out logistics, and have mostly waited until it was closer to time to act on this decision. Today was the day that waiting was replaced with doing. Today Jace did what he has waited to do for a year and half. Now tomorrow is a different story, we begin waiting again; waiting to hear if our plan is the same as God's plan.

I wish you could only have read the emails he sent me after he submitted it. I can tell he is ready for this next chapter of his life and was so excited. Excited to have it out of his hands and into God's hands. So this rainy, gloomy, cold Monday was actually a great day. Jace and I are ready for this next chapter in our lives. We trust in God's plan and pray that our plan matches with His.

Let Go and Let God and let's Chomp on!